Golden Nuggets

Perspective

2012-01-29T06:58:00.000-08:00

Though things have been hard for me, God has allowed me to get a glimpse into other situations that have helped put my circumstances in perspective...
...A teaching friend across the country whose school district has much more impossible standards and consequences for standardized testing than mine does.
...A family friend who is teaching in Africa while running a drug recovery home: pouring into the lives of her "sons", cooking the food, washing clothes by hand, and struggling financially. And I thought teaching alone was a full-time job. She says, "In many ways, I am in my element. There’s no place that I’d rather be. In other ways, I feel like I’m stretched beyond my stretching ability. Especially when a son comes home, looks me in the eye, and tells me he didn’t smoke. After I’ve poured my heart and soul and everything into him. After God has given me so many promises. The smoke that is obviously coming from his lungs makes me sick to my stomach. God is teaching me to 'love without an agenda.' He is also teaching me that sometimes He has to speak to someone 47 times before they hear Him and change, but that 47^th time will come. And all the times leading up to that changing point are not wasted, but are building towards the day of change."
...And most recently, I've learned about another teacher at my school, who has been battling an autoimmune disease for ten years, and now the doctors tell her there is little hope for survival.
Yes, God has allowed me to go through difficult times, but how can I complain in the face of these amazing challenges that others are facing with such faith and courage? My prayers go out to them.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. " -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Enthusiasm

2012-01-15T06:40:00.000-08:00

I've always known that part of being a good teacher is instilling excitement in your students for what they're learning. However, I have been allowing the stress and frustrations to take away the joy of teaching. After a particularly bad day, when my students were not doing anything they were supposed to do, I went to another 5th-grade teacher for advice. She told me that she acts every day for her students - she is so overly enthusiastic that they are drawn in. Her example was that, when talking about symmetry, she said, "Doesn't that blow your mind?!? You can fold it in half and it's the same on both sides!" I tried it the next day. I acted like everything we were doing was the greatest discovery ever made, and it worked. My students responded much better. It certainly did not eliminate all behavior issues, but at least I had fun, and my students were more engaged.

I realized that life is a little like that. If you act like you're enjoying it, you really do.

"...don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God... Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work." -Colossians 3:23

As a daughter

2011-12-19T17:32:00.000-08:00

I often come face-to-face with the reality that I don't have the strength, wisdom, grace, love, or ability in and of myself to do what God has called me to. The tasks He has placed before me are bigger than I am, and I know that only by His grace can I accomplish them. A prayer that has crossed my lips countless times over the last few years has been, "God, help me to be the teacher that my students need me to be for them."

But I am in the process of realizing that this is the wrong prayer. My pastor once said, "I can't do what I do as a pastor. I have to go in as a son." I am realizing that my instinctive prayer when I am feeling inadequate is a performance prayer. "Help me to be the teacher my students need me to be for them," places my identity in what I do. Yet if my identity is found, not in who I am or what I can do, but in Whose I am... that's what will give me the ability to rest in His love for me and just be.

Because the truth is that victory comes through being, not performing. He has already placed inside of me all that I need to overcome. He has filled my bank account with all the strength, wisdom, grace, love, and ability that I require. I can't make a withdrawal by tricks of persuasion or feats of strength. I can only make a withdrawal by knowing who I am well enough to sign my name.

Emily, Daughter of God.

"Now may the God of peace...equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ." ~Hebrews 13:20-21

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!..." ~1 John 3:1

Remembering

2011-12-11T13:09:00.000-08:00

Still working 12+ hours a day, I have to remind myself to be positive. One way of staying positive is remembering God's goodness to me, because it’s easy to forget the good stuff and focus only on what God hasn’t done yet. I've been reading through my journal and have been encouraged remembering all of the ways God has spoken to me and worked on my behalf over the past year and a half. I came across this journal entry the other day – one I wrote almost a year ago:

12/19/10 – I’ve spent most of these past two and a half years in Honduras, but today it comes to an end. I am entering into a new season in my life, so I want to reflect on what God has done and what He has taught me in this past season. I’ve learned to be flexible, because I never know what tomorrow will bring. God has changed my plans more often and on a greater scale in this season than ever in my life. I have also had to be flexible because I’ve been living in a country and a culture where time doesn’t matter so much, and things often don’t work like they’re supposed to. God has used me to impact others’ lives profoundly, even when I have felt weak and incapable. He has fostered such love in my heart for the people He’s placed in my life and has caused them to love and accept me, too. He has taught me to depend on Him, because there have been many times when He is all I’ve had. He has grown in me an appreciation for home that I didn’t have to that extent before. He has provided me with a wide range of experiences that will serve me in my future endeavors with teaching and just in forming relationships. He has opened my eyes to the world, shown me how other people live and think.

Besides remembering God’s goodness in the past, I also need to bring to memory the good things that are happening right now. I don’t think I’ll ever take a hot shower for granted again, but I had forgotten how much I used to long for the conveniences I now have: my own car, a washing machine that I don’t have to fill with water by hand, a dryer, a grocery store that is always well-stocked, produce that doesn’t make me sick, dependable electricity, clean running water…

It’s easy to focus on the lessons that went wrong and the negative feedback I’ve gotten from students and bosses. Every day, I need to choose to remember the good. Like the comment from my assistant principal the other day that she has seen such tremendous growth in me that it’s like night and day. Or the time on Friday when I had only a few students in my room, and they were so happy to be with me rather than doing the activity the rest of the class was doing. We were reviewing things we have learned lately, and I realized that they really are learning – and proud of all their new knowledge. Or the other moment on Friday when one student said, “My favorite teachers are Ms. Marino, Ms. Anaya, and Mrs. McNeil,” and another student responded, “I only have one favorite teacher: Ms. Marino.”

When I think about it, there is so much more that is right in my life than there is that’s wrong.

"Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s...from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children." ~Psalm 103:2-5,17

Progress

2011-11-20T11:53:00.001-08:00

I'm making tons of progress but still having to work 12 hours a day to keep on top of things. Classroom management has gotten much better but still needs improvement. I've got the relationship part down, at least. My students complain far too much, so the other day, I made each one of them say something they were thankful for. A few students said they were thankful to have such a good teacher :-) I've had to leave my students with a sub several times while I've gone to meetings and trainings. Every time I tell them I have to leave, I get a disappointed, "Aaawwwww!" The class even worked together to make me a touching birthday card, more than a month early.

I've got one student who has been abused at home, another who can't read or write and grew up on the streets - he often needs to have power struggles with authority figures -, another student who lost her dad and uncle and whose mom lives in Puerto Rico. They all need extra TLC coupled with a firm hand.

So you can see my visible progress:

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me... To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless." ~Psalm 18:16-25

The good, the bad, and the ugly

2011-11-13T05:25:00.000-08:00

I'm still very busy but making progress. At my school, people drop in on your class unannounced all the time to observe. Lately, I've been observed by the bilingual supervisor (my boss), the bilingual coach, my mentor, and the math coach. They have all been happy with what they've seen, and my math coach noted "dramatic improvement" from her first observation to her second. I can expect to be observed on a regular basis now by my principal, and there is also an outside organization that observes new teachers - I'm on their list.

Our school has a "Town Meeting" once a month, in which each class has the chance to share something they have been learning with the rest of the school. I have been teaching my class about the importance of reducing our impact on the Earth, and I put together a slideshow with their help:

I thought when I came back to the United States that life and teaching would be more predictable and without so many interruptions. I was wrong. For one thing, having a bilingual class, students are always coming and going. Since the start of the school year, two of my students have left to go back to Puerto Rico for good, and one Friday morning recently, I suddenly had a new student who had arrived from Puerto Rico. Tomorrow, one of my students will be mainstreamed, and in March, another of my students will also be making the switch from bilingual to mainstream. There are so many other interruptions - phone calls, announcements, schedule changes, last-minute parent meetings called during class... And then there are the more serious disturbances - A seventh-grader in our school was killed a couple of weeks ago. I still don't know exactly how it happened, but the sorrow it caused was deep and widespread. And yet we have to move on. I was one of the least affected, because neither I nor my students knew the boy.

It's been good; it's been bad, and it's been ugly, but this is the truth I see at work:

" 'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.' " ~Isaiah 43:1-2

Growing Pains

2011-10-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

I am still averaging about 12 hours a day in my classroom. I am tired but no longer desperate. I’ve had the chance to observe several other teachers in my school, and I feel privileged to be able to work with and learn from so many “rock stars”, as our math coach has termed them. Two teachers on separate occasions came to my classroom after our students had gone home and spent several hours with me, helping me to set up my classroom and sort through what an average day should look like in terms of classroom management and instruction. Before, the 12 hours a day were to just barely keep my head above water, but now I feel like I’m making progress and really getting things in place.

Many people have encouraged me and validated my feelings. No teacher is surprised when I tell them how many hours I am putting in – they tell me it’s normal for a first-year elementary teacher. I met with the social worker the other day, and she verified that I have a difficult class with several challenging personalities, but this week she is going to start working with me to help me reach these students. I have felt very inadequate knowing that as I go through this learning process, I am not preparing my students very well at all, and I think of how much better the students are faring in the other fifth-grade classes. They are engaged and learning. They know the routines and are having fun in a safe environment. My students are seldom engaged and often confused (but that’s improving). We have few routines in place, and our classroom environment is not very safe emotionally with all of the misbehaviors that are occurring (though we’re making progress on that end, too). However, most days, I receive a gift or two from different students – drawings with which I’ve been filling up the wall behind my desk:

One student in particular has given me several notes saying that I am the best teacher, I “rule the school”... In her response to a writing prompt, she wrote: “I always talk about Ms. Marino and how nice she is." While talking with my students a couple of weeks ago, I at one point said the words, “I’m not perfect.” I was surprised at the negative reaction that statement caused. One student said, “But you’re perfect for us!” So somehow God is using me.

Here are some pictures to show you the progress I am making on my apartment and classroom:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

~2 Corinthians 12:9

Thankful

2011-09-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

Though recently I have been in distress, I have surprised myself with feelings of gratitude. I wake up happy (even if I’m tired and have a long day ahead of me), smile at myself in the mirror as I get ready, and thank God throughout the day for every little thing. How wonderful it is to have electricity, how blessed I am to have my own apartment with so many things I’ve always wanted (a huge walk-in closet, a garbage disposal, quiet neighbors, great big windows that look out on trees and let the sun in...), and what wonderful people I have in my life. I thank Him for thankfulness, because the ability to feel gratitude makes life so much sweeter.

I’ve been averaging 10-13 hours per day at school because that’s just how busy I am. I am still feeling very stressed, but I’m happy. And things are starting to come together. Little by little, I am putting my apartment, classroom, and curriculum together. My 5^th graders and I are feeling more like a family. Behavior issues have been a huge struggle, but Thursday was their best day yet, and it gave me hope that we can do this. I recently met with the 4^th-grade bilingual teacher, who was new to the school last year and had my students, so she could relate to me in so many ways and give me advice and encouragement. She too used to stay at school until 8:00 pm. She too was overwhelmed by the open-ended position of a bilingual teacher. She too had to go through a learning process to figure out how to manage the students.

I had a suspicion that I hadn’t gotten rid of all the bed bug eggs, because I found some new bites. So I went through the cleaning process again and bought two expensive bed-bug proof mattress covers for my mattress and box spring. No more signs of them in over a week – I think they’re gone. I brought my car in to the mechanic, and we think I am good to go after spending only a couple of hours and a couple hundred dollars, rather than a few thousand on replacing the transmission. The car drives more smoothly now. In the process of working on it, the mechanic found a serious safety issue – a loose wheel. If I hadn’t brought the car in for transmission problems, I may not have found this other problem until it caused me to get into a serious car accident. Thank You, God, for Your protection.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart...'Because she loves me,' says the LORD, 'I will rescue her; I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name. She will call on me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble, I will deliver her and honor her. With long life I will satisfy her and show her my salvation.” ~Psalm 91:4,14-16

Testing

2011-09-04T12:59:00.001-07:00

I didn’t know I could go through this much testing outside of Honduras. It’s been a rough few weeks. Having only two weeks to settle into my apartment and my classroom was challenging, but I did it. There is still work to be done in both places, but they are both roughly set up and welcoming. Here are pictures:

My car’s transmission is demonstrating symptoms of needing to be replaced, the worst one happening at a red light. When it turned green, my car wouldn’t go into gear. The cars behind me were impatiently honking their horns until I figured out that if I turned the car off and then on again, it shifted into gear. My bank account has been dangerously low, and I have been carefully debating every penny spent – definitely can’t afford to replace the transmission right now. As many of you experienced from the hurricane, my power was out for five days. One evening during the outage, after days of finding bites on my legs, I discovered bed bugs in my bed. I took all my bedding, clothes, and anything that could be contaminated to the Laundromat and spent $20 getting it all washed. Got home after 9 PM to take my rugs outside and sweep my floors by candlelight. Then I had to prepare my food for the next day, since you can’t prepare food in bulk and store it in the refrigerator during a power outage. I slept five hours that night, leaving me feeling not-so-energized for my very first day of school. The teachers were getting ready to pick up their students from the gym when we smelled burning rubber. The fire alarm went off, and we escorted our students outside, where we were told we might have to spend the day at the library or another school just killing time.

It’s okay, though; it gets better. After an hour of waiting, we were allowed back into the building to start our day. Only 14 of my 26 students showed up, but we had a really good morning. I have one class of Hispanic 5^th graders with me all day except for the hour when they are at specials and lunch. I formed a connection with them right from the start. There are some challenges, like two boys who have been sworn enemies since last school year, a few boys who would rather distract each other than follow instructions, and six special ed students (one has cerebral palsy). But I really like them, and we have gotten off to a great, though somewhat turbulent, start. At the end of our second day together, I was talking with the students about how we are a family and our classroom is their second home. One student responded by saying that he had almost called me “Mom” earlier. Another student asked what our family name is going to be, and someone else suggested that we call ourselves “The Marinos”. Most of the students are from Puerto Rico. Some arrived in the U.S. this summer; others have been here for a year or two. I speak to them mostly in Spanish, which sometimes leaves me tongue-tied and stumbling over my words, but they don’t seem to mind.

I didn’t have any curriculum when we started school, but over the last couple of days, I have briefly met with the literacy coach and math coach and received some guidance. I am expecting that the rest of the curriculum will be provided in the next few days, but even when I have it, I’m told I will have to modify it a good deal to fit the bilingual program. Thursday was our first day of classes. It was supposed to be Wednesday, but it got pushed back a day because of the power outage. It’s a good thing that happened, because by Friday afternoon, I had run out of getting-to-know-you activities. I was in a terrible mood on Thursday evening, but discovering that my apartment had power when I got home completely changed my mood around. Then on Friday, I got my first paycheck and started my long weekend. Thank God for Labor Day.

Now I’m just praying that I can find the time and clarity of mind to put all my lesson plans together for next week. I’m praying that my car’s transmission holds out long enough for me to build up my bank account before having to replace it. I know I got rid of the adult bed bugs because I haven’t found any new bites since my trip to the Laundromat, and I’m praying that my efforts to get rid of any eggs worked. If it didn’t, the only thing left to do is call an exterminator and hope I don’t pass bed bugs onto my students and their families.

I am thankful for the many people in my life who have provided encouragement, advice, and prayer support. Today after a time of prayer ministry, I felt a huge burden lifted off of me. I go forward from here choosing to walk in peace and trust in the One who lives outside of time and has all of heaven's resources at His disposal.

"May the LORD answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings.May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests." ~Psalm 20:1-5

When God opens a door

2011-08-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

My life has been in transition for years, and after such a long time of waiting and hoping, everything is falling into place. This summer, I took an intensive online course, worked part-time at CVS, and applied for job after job. Every week, I applied to two or three different teaching positions, and most applications required a great deal of specific information, along with unique essays. It was draining to invest so much time in the process and to not even get a response from most schools, even when I would call or send emails. Come the end of July, I had no plausible opportunities for teaching jobs. I was beginning to wonder how much longer I was going to have to live dependent on my parents, working at CVS or subbing. Earlier in the year, I was having trouble trusting in God's goodness. Somehow, though, as the summer dwindled, my trust in God grew. I kept reminding myself of all the times He has come through for me in the past and realizing that He has never left me hanging. He always closes one door to open a better one.

Wednesday, August 3rd, I got a phone call from a school system to which I had applied a month earlier (New Haven). I had lost hope that anything would materialize there. But suddenly, here was a voice mail asking me to come in for an interview the next morning. After the interview, the bilingual program supervisor said he would recommend me to a certain principal. On Monday, that principal called me and asked if I would teach a bilingual 5th-grade class at her school. Tuesday, I met the assistant principal, got a tour of the school, and accepted the position.

This is the perfect job for me. I was looking at elementary teaching positions because I love that age group and that is what I am certified to teach. I was also looking at high school Spanish positions, though, because of my experience with and passion for the Spanish language and Hispanic things and because I am seeking certification in that area. This job in New Haven is the only one I found that combines all of my talents, experiences, and passions into one position. I'm going to have a class of about 24 latino 5th graders (my favorite grade), and we are going to use Spanish 75% of the time, gradually increasing the amount of English as the year progresses. It is going to be challenging, but I will be well-supported by a wonderful staff, and I can't fail when God is behind it.

I met a principal recently who told me that getting an elementary teaching position these days is like winning the lottery. I could (but won't) go into many more details about how everything has fallen into place against all odds, including finding just the right apartment in Branford - I move in tomorrow. I am so thankful that this time, I am not getting on a plane, and I am not saying goodbye. I am simply gaining independence, but I will be close enough to continue my relationships with family and friends face-to-face. I have a busy, busy couple of weeks ahead of me, settling into my apartment, setting up my classroom, and starting the school year, but I am trusting for a smooth transition.

"This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: 'I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.' " ~Isaiah 48:17

Clean, Part 2

2011-08-05T14:28:00.000-07:00

When God spoke to me about being a clean vessel, he revealed two ways we become dirty: speaking words that are contrary to His heart for us (see last post) and controlling. All authority in heaven and Earth belongs to Jesus (Matthew 28:18), and He has given this authority to us (Revelation 2:26-28). But authority and control are not the same thing. Though God is in control, He does not control. Rather, He beckons; He knocks; He waits. In His goodness, He designed the Christian life so that every good thing is available to us through faith. All we have to do is ask and trust (John 14:12-14). Yet in our sinful state, we have a hard time believing these truths:

"Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear" (Isaiah 59:1).
"God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work" (2 Corinthians 9:8).
"The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless" (Psalm 84:11).

It is because we haven't learned to trust completely in God's capability and goodness that we try to control. We strive. We try to make things work out. We hold onto possessions, money, and relationships. We worry. We tell others what to do. We manipulate. We try to earn love. These are all forms of control. This is Paul's response to the Galatians' attempt to control by valuing legalistic works above faith and grace:

"You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard?" (Galatians 3:1-2)."

To control is to be bewitched. It is to think that we could do any better for ourselves than God can do for and through us. It is another instance of negating the work of the cross. So how do we let go of control? I'm still trying to figure that one out. I think it's a lifelong process that has to do with allowing ourselves to be molded by the hands of the Potter. Allowing God to cut away the junk in our lives. Allowing Him to be our all in all - praising Him when He gives and when He takes away. If you've been a Christian for any length of time, you're probably familiar with this passage:

" 'I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me' " (John 15:1-4).

The Greek for prunes also means cleans. Having received Jesus' message of salvation makes us clean, and submitting ourselves to be discipled by Him and renew our minds day by day with His Word keeps us clean.

Clean

2011-07-15T15:30:00.000-07:00

While living in Honduras, I taught at two different schools, and each school had its own well. Whereas in most places, we were warned to not drink or even brush our teeth with water from the faucet, this water was pure because of its source. So I drank it. And I got sick. I learned that even though the water was clean, the holding tanks were not. I knew God was trying to show me something by way of analogy, about being a clean vessel, but it took some time for me to fully understand.

This is what I realized: Jesus said that He would give us living water that would become a spring within us, welling up to eternal life (John 4). This water is the Holy Spirit, and we are the vessels that dispense the water to our surroundings. The water is pure and life-giving, but if we are a dirty vessel, we will produce undesired effects.

How do we become clean? It's what happened when we gave our lives to Him in response to His sacrifice on the cross: "He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds" (Titus 2:14).

We become dirty by negating the work of the cross that cleansed us.

One way we do this is through our words. God is Creator, and when He speaks, He creates - "And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light." We were made in His image, so our words also create - they create our atmosphere and establish our limit. When you say that things never go your way, predict a bad ending, or belittle yourself, your words have more power than you realize. "Destructive confessions create self-fulfilled prophecies that ultimately become negative ecosystems that imprison our minds and de-rail our destiny" (Kris Vallotton). On the other hand, when you declare the goodness of God, claim that God is working things together for your good (Romans 8:28), and agree with who He says you are, you are calling the work of the cross to manifest in your life. Angels recognize your words as their assignment to make sure God's word is fulfilled. "You’re going to eat your words. They’re either going to nourish your heart or poison your soul" (Kris Vallotton).

Here is another point that God has been trying to teach me for years: I don't have the right to complain. He knows all of the bad things I've been through. It's not my responsibility to make sure everyone else knows. On the contrary:

"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them" (Ephesians 4:29).

"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life" (Philippians 2:14-16).

It's not easy to make this change. I know that the habits of complaining and speaking negative words over my life are so ingrained in me that it seems almost impossible to break free. But I also know that if the Son sets me free, I am free indeed (John 8:36). I am called to stand firm, and when I am burdened again by a yoke of slavery, it is because I have allowed it (Galatians 5:1). I know that when I consciously choose to speak the reasons I'm thankful or declare God's promises over my life, it makes all the difference in my outlook on life and how my day unfolds.

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Victims or revolutionaries?

2011-07-11T12:11:00.000-07:00

On any chicken farm of any mass producer of chicken (Tyson, Perdue, etc.), the chickens are all crammed into a dark building. There is no sunlight and no room to move around. They are so jacked up on hormones that their bones and internal organs can't keep up with the weight - they can only take a few steps before they have to plop back down to rest. Many of them die each day. This is the chicken, and these are the eggs, we eat. Regardless of whether or not you're into animal rights, do you think this is healthy for you, the consumer?

If you think that's bad, go to a cattle farm. The cattle are penned into a small space where they are fed corn - not what their stomachs are meant to digest - and stand in their own manure day after day. If one of them is diseased, the rest of them are going to get sick as well, since they are always knee-deep in each other's excretions. They enter the slaughter house caked with manure, and they are not cleaned off before being turned into hamburgers. One hamburger can contain the meat and fecal matter of hundreds of different cows, increasing the chance for contamination. People all over the country have died from the meat of a single diseased cow. The mother of one three-year-old who died from food poisoning after eating a hamburger has spent six years fighting for a law to be passed (Kevin's Law) that would increase meat companies' accountability for safety. Rather than spend millions of dollars on improving their safety standards to prevent unnecessary deaths, these companies choose to spend millions of dollars in legal fees, fighting for their right to increase efficiency and profit at the cost of human life.

These are just a handful of the problems with today's food industry. I haven't mentioned the effects on local farmers, factory workers, or the general health of the nation. I've touched only on the topic of animal products and not crops. That would get us into the subject of genetically modified foods, harmful chemicals, and other corrupt business practices. This post has everything to do with my last one - stewardship of our bodies, our society, and our planet. It is not just a battle for environmental activists - it is even more so a responsibility for Christians. I just want to get across the point that many of us are living as victims of the food industry, when really we have so much more leverage than we think. "When we run an item past the supermarket scanner, we're voting" - for local or mass-produced, organic or chemical-laden.... (Food, Inc.).

If you want to know more about what is wrong or what you can do to fix it, visit this site: http://www.takepart.com/foodinc

Tenants

2011-07-05T18:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve been confronted a lot recently with the woes of being a landlord. My mom owns several properties that she rents out to tenants. She finds a house with potential – one that tugs at her heart –, makes a down payment, pours time and resources into getting it ready for new habitants, and advertises for tenants. The tenants move in, call from time to time (some more often than others) with complaints about a leaky pipe or a broken door, and send in their rent checks (sometimes on time, sometimes for the full amount). Usually by the time they move out, they leave obvious evidence that this dwelling place was just a pit stop for them. They had no real investment in the property and no care for its upkeep. My mother had left them with the result of her excellence, and they left her with the outcome of their carelessness – a whole lot of damage to un-do.

Not too long ago, I was employed by another landlord who needed serious help cleaning up after his tenants. From the looks of it, they had not made an attempt to clean at all in the three years they had occupied his house, and to make matters worse, their dog seldom had the chance to do his business outside. The landlord had to rip up and replace floor boards and cabinets to get rid of the stench.

Considering these acts of negligence, I realized that every member of the human race is a tenant. The Creator has left us with His work of extravagant beauty and excellence – the Earth. He has entrusted this treasure into our care, and we have exploited it. The sky He created to dazzle us is now polluted with harmful chemicals. The once breath-taking river is now a slimy garbage pit. The lush forest has become a field of charred stumps. We should be grieved at what we have done to this piece of property we were meant to steward for a time.

Then there is the pinnacle of Creation – human beings. Our bodies are an intricate work of art. The fact that a life can be formed from two cells joining together is a miracle. From microscopic beginnings comes a body that is not only able to accomplish incredible feats of strength, flexibility, and coordination, but also houses a soul and spirit capable of loving, nurturing, creating, problem-solving, inventing, and communing with our Maker. I can’t say we’ve been any better stewards of this gift. We harm ourselves through everything from unhealthy lifestyles like gluttony and inactivity to self-mutilation like cutting. We hurt others who were also made in the Creator’s image: gossip, deceit, criticism, broken promises, stealing, abortion and murder…

If God were human, He would have evicted us by now to salvage what’s left of His property. But “the LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love” (Psalm 145:8). And His works still praise Him – the majestic waves of the sea, the stunning colors of a sunset, the delicate spring flowers in bloom…the sweat of a tree-hugger working on a restoration project, the tears of a mother who once aborted her unwanted child, now fighting for the lives of other yet unborn children…the heavy breathing of a former couch potato getting their health back through self-discipline, the humility of a son or daughter confessing their rebellion to their parents and pleading forgiveness…the heartfelt prayer of a child of God coming to Him in repentance and asking for help to be transformed more into His likeness. Each act of love and sacrifice, no matter how big or small, brings a smile to the Father’s face.

“He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.” ~Psalm 103:10-14

More than enough

2011-06-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

When Jesus called the disciples, they left everything to follow Him, without a moment’s hesitation (Matthew 4:18-22). They gave up their self-sufficient life for one that depended on His grace. There were plenty of times when they were in need because of lack of resources, insecurity, or incapability, but Jesus met every need. When the disciples insisted they could never feed the crowd of 5,000, Jesus told them to find out what they had – five loaves and two fish. He thanked God for what they did have and used it – and it was more than enough (Mark 6:35-44). I often find myself doubting that the money in my bank account, or my qualifications, or my opportunities, are enough. But Jesus always takes what I have and makes it enough. Didn’t He provide me with that long-term substitute position against all odds? Didn’t He bring me the funds when I was in Honduras, just when I thought I was about to run out, time and time again? Didn’t He provide me with loving parents who offered me a free room as long as I need it and an interest-free loan for my car? He always provides.

Then there was the time the disciples were on the boat in the middle of a storm. They were used to being on the sea and dealing with rough waters, but this time the storm was severe enough that they feared for their lives. Jesus allowed that storm to test them, but He came through at just the right time and spoke peace to the storm (Mark 4:35-41). Hasn’t Jesus done that for me? Brought resolution to a relationship gone sour, taken me out of situations that threatened to destroy me, placed people in my life to speak words of peace and encouragement into the storm that raged inside?

What I really love about Jesus is that He cared – He cares. Even when He was tired and in need of alone time, He still had compassion on those who hungered for His touch (Mark 6:31-34). He healed all the sick who came to Him (Matthew 4:23-24). He modeled again and again for his disciples how to exercise authority over the devil’s schemes to bring freedom for the one in need. Yet when they were confronted with a demon-possessed boy, they proved they were still incapable. Jesus had to step in and take care of the situation Himself (Mark 9:14-29). So often I prove myself incapable of bringing Christ’s light into someone else’s darkness, but I know that He is training me and will not give up on me. Because I’ve given up everything to follow Him. Not always without a moment’s hesitation, but I have done it, and He will reward me…

“ ‘I tell you the truth,’ Jesus replied, ‘no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields – and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life’ ” (Mark 10:29-30).

“ ‘Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father’ ” (John 14:12).

The Climb

2011-04-09T05:33:00.000-07:00

I was going through a dark night of the soul for a while, struggling in every area of my life: work, finances, health, relationships, and thoughts. Not only that, but I was trying to draw close to God, and I didn't feel He was drawing near to me - no peace, no joy, no clarity. My prayers kept seeming they were about to be answered, and then the door would slam in my face. Three times, it seemed certain that I had a job in the bag, but then my potential employers would pull back because of some technicalities set forth by the State - their hands were tied, and they had to go with another candidate. Doors opened and closed not only in my job situation but also in finances, health, and relationships. I got angry at God. Though I know He doesn't taunt, that's sure what it felt like. I wished these opportunities would stop presenting themselves rather than giving me false hope.

What's funny is that during this time, I didn't feel I was in the right place to minister to others, feeling so far from God myself. Yet there were two times that I was obligated to minister. In both cases, these people were really touched, and it was confirmed that I had spoken just the right words. God spoke through me in my time of weakness in a way He hadn't done during the times I was feeling especially "spiritual".

I am still walking through this time of feeling distant from God, but every once in a while, He causes a light bulb to go on in my head, and I take one step closer to Him. At my lowest time, I realized I needed to repent of being angry at God, and I needed to ask forgiveness. I did - didn't feel a bit better, but knew I was doing the right thing.

A little while later, I was driving and listening to the radio, rather than a cd like I usually do. "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus came on. I've heard that song many times and knew there was truth to it, but this time it just clicked: "It's not about how fast I get there. It's not about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb." I've spent most of my life striving for the next thing, seeing every task and every moment as something to get through and accomplish. But when I stepped out of my car that day, I did so with the realization that the Holy Spirit was with me in every step, and my goal needn't be to walk to my destination as quickly as possible and get my work done but to simply walk with Him everywhere I go. It was the first day in at least a week that my stomach didn't feel tense all day. When I got back in my car at the end of the day, I was thinking it would be cool if that song came on again, and what do you know - one of the first stations I turned to was playing it!

God has been revealing Himself to me as a loving Father, but I sometimes struggle with keeping that perspective. Though I have a great earthly father, he is imperfect, and at times I begin to see my Heavenly Father this way and feel resentful toward Him - almost like He's that kid on an anthill (if you've heard that analogy). But another day, I was in my car, and another song came on:

A thousand sparkling stars upon a midnight summer sky
The majesty and wonder of the ocean's endless tide
And the more I see the more I can't explain
How the one who set the world in place
Could even know my name and I'm amazed, I'm so amazed

How great You are, how small I am
How awesome is Your mighty hand
And I am captured by the wonder of it all
And I will offer all my praise with all my heart for all my days
How great You are, how great You are, how great You are

A million snow flakes gently fall, yet no two are the same
For colors fill the canvas of the seasons as they change

And everywhere I look I see Your hand
Why You would love someone like me
I'll never understand and I'm amazed, I'm so amazed

Another change in perspective. And finally, my situations are beginning to change. I just completed my second full week at a job I really enjoy (long-term high school Spanish sub) that is paying me almost three times what I was making before. This was one of those doors that shut definitively. They went with another candidate, but circumstances changed. A week and a half after they had told me they couldn't hire me, they got back in touch with me. I went in that day to interview, taught a sample lesson the next day, was hired that afternoon, and started work five days later.

I have finally found someone who is helping me get my health back, and I am beginning to see improvement. I am beyond busy right now, and so much about the future is uncertain, but God is good, and He has only good plans for me - for all who love Him (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28). The Israelites had to march around Jericho six days, then seven times on the seventh day before the walls came down (Joshua 6). Another time, Israel sought the Lord before going into battle. They did everything right, obeying everything God told them to do, but they were defeated twice, suffering many losses, before finally winning the victory (Judges 20). I don't know why God does what He does, but I know that faith and perseverance please Him.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." ~Hebrews 11:6

"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." ~Isaiah 64:4

The battle is not yours

2011-03-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

You know the saying, "God helps those who help themselves"? It's true that we can't just sit back and expect God to take care of everything for us. But here's the other side of the coin: God helps those who trust in Him. For instance, take the story laid out in 2 Chronicles 20: A "vast army" is coming against Israel, and king Jehoshaphat knows his army could never hold its own against these invaders. So he and the people of Judah come together to fast, pray, and seek the Lord. They remind Him of His promises (a great way to pray) and end by saying, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you" (v. 12).

The Holy Spirit moves an Israelite to prophesy: "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you" (v. 15-17).

Don't fear. Trust. Go. Take up your position, standing firm in the armor God has provided you (Ephesians 6:10-18). Submit to God, then resist your enemy (James 4:7).

The rest of the story is truly amazing: "As they began to sing and praise, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. The Ammonites and Moabites rose up against the men from Mount Seir to destroy and annihilate them. After they finished slaughtering the men from Seir, they helped to destroy one another. When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked toward the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground; no one had escaped. So Jehoshaphat and his men went to carry off their plunder" (v. 22-25). Praise your God. Acknowledge His might, not your enemy's strength. Thank Him. Praise will take you into your victory.

To see another similar story where God defeated Israel's enemy before they even came into contact, read about Gideon in Judges 7. As in these two stories, sometimes all God calls us to do is trust Him, rest in Him.

Other times, however, He calls us to fight. Not in our strength, but His. See, for example, Exodus 17:8-13 and Numbers 21:1-3. In Joshua 6, it was persevering obedience that God used to bring down the walls of Jericho, but the army still had to step over the rubble and fight.

Here is an anecdote that I find to be funny: The Israelites have finally been freed from Egypt, but the pharaoh has a change in heart and pursues them with his army: all his "horses and chariots, horsemen and troops" (Exodus 14:9). The Israelites complain to Moses that it would have been better to remain slaves for life than die in the desert. Moses replies, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still" (v. 13-14).

While this statement shows great faith and reflects what God had been teaching Moses, it isn't the advice God wants Moses to give. "Then the LORD said to Moses, 'Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground' " (v. 15-16). If the Israelites had listened to their leader's pious command to be still, they never would have reached the Promised Land.

We will never reach our promised land unless we both trust in the Lord and are open to what He is doing. If He says fight, fight. If He says rest, rest. If He says go, go. If He says stay, stay. If He says speak, speak. If He says be silent, be silent. About the only thing predictable concerning God is that He loves you, He will never leave you, and no matter what He tells you to do, it is for your good.

"Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?" (Isaiah 2:22).

"The LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory" (Deuteronomy 20:4).

Oh how He loves us

2011-02-24T16:31:00.000-08:00

These are Jesus' words, recorded for the benefit of all who would be His disciples: "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you" (John 15:9).

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you."

Can you imagine how much the Father loves Jesus, His only begotten Son, who was with Him from the beginning and never failed to please Him?

Can you imagine that Jesus loves us in the same way? Loves us, those who have deserted Him time and again?

If you can't fathom that kind of love, it's only because we're used to how the world loves. It's time for a renewing of the mind through God's Word. I need this, too.

But first, a few words of advice from Derek Prince:

“If you do not take time for hearing, all you will do is read the Bible. Faith does not come by reading the Bible; it comes by hearing from God through the Bible...When you receive Scripture not as the word of men – not on the same level with human writings and human wisdom, but as God Himself speaking to you – it will do its work in you."

Ready?...

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32).

"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure" (Ephesians 1:4-5).

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children" (Psalm 103:8-17).

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish" (Matthew 18:12-14).

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:6-8).

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him" (1 John 3:1).

"And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God" (Ephesians 3:18-19).

Let this be our response:

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you" (Psalm 63:3).

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us" (1 John 4:11-12).

These songs will open your eyes. Click and listen:
"How He love us" (Kim Walker)
"One thing remains" (Jesus Culture)
"Escape" (Rush of Fools)

Where is your faith?

2011-02-15T14:01:00.000-08:00

I just read this statement: "You cannot trust God and be stressed at the same time." (Convicted? I am.) In the storm on the water, when the disciples were anxious and fearing for their lives, Jesus asked them, "Where is your faith?" (Luke 8:25). Their faith was there in the boat - Jesus, the substance of things hoped for (the long awaited Messiah), the evidence of things not seen (the image of the invisible God) - Hebrews 11:1, Colossians 1:15.

The Holy Spirit taught me this lesson while I was in Chile a few years back. I used to go to the ocean shore most nights and sit on one of many boulders, watching the sun set while the powerful waves slapped on the boulders below. One night, the waves weren't the only sound - there was a dog standing on a boulder at the water's edge, barking at the waves. He wouldn't quit! I thought it was hilarious - it was as if this dog thought that by barking he could somehow affect the waves - herd them, corral them, protect the people on the shore from their destructive potential.

Then all of a sudden, I felt God saying to me, "But you do the same thing. You think that by worrying, you can keep life's disasters at bay." I was convicted. I realized that the dog was so focused on the unchangeable force of the waves that he couldn't have taken any notice of the sun in its glorious descent. The disciples were so consumed by their fear of the waves that they forgot the glory of the Son who was with them and His power to overcome. We as God's children are so caught up in our worries about the powers that threaten to destroy us that we forget this fact: "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

The disciples saw Jesus do miracle after miracle - healing the sick, casting out demons, multiplying food. The Israelites saw God do miracle after miracle - parting the Red Sea, providing manna from heaven and water from a rock, defeating their enemies before them. You and I have seen the Holy Spirit do miracle after miracle - [insert your personal testimony here]. Yet we all have a selective memory. We choose to remember the good things we've left to follow Him and the trials we've had to endure since choosing this path. You can't be thankful and stressed at the same time. Stop barking at the waves and lift your eyes. Choose to remember His faithfulness. Focus on the Christ within you. Jesus is the author and perfecter, the very essence, of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). Faith is not something you conjure up through your own righteousness - faith is a person. A change in perspective is all that's needed. Where is your faith?

Extravagant Love

2011-02-07T11:08:00.000-08:00

How great is the love the Father has lavished upon us that He would make all of Creation in order to dazzle us. Think about it. Though Creation is practical, it is foremost beautiful. The intricacies and fragrance of a flower, the brilliant colors of a sunset, the majesty of the ocean waves crashing on the shore, the sparkling stars in the night sky, the coos of a newborn baby. This masterpiece God entrusted into our care. He knew full well that we would trash it. Every part of His Creation that He has put under our influence is subject to our destructive ways. We over-consume, pollute, cut down, trample. And as if that weren’t enough, we treat with contempt His most prized Creation – ourselves and our neighbors. Yet God is patient and takes delight in our most minimal efforts to steward well what He has given us (Matthew 25:21).

So the Creator entrusts us with His Creation, but He doesn’t stop there. He bestows on us His love and gives us the choice to receive it or to reject it, reject Him. Can you imagine how many times God has been rejected and in how many ways? He knew before He created us that we would not respond favorably to His love but would separate ourselves from Him by our rebellious ways. And He had a plan (Ephesians 3:11, Colossians 1:26-27). He loved us so much He decided before Creation that He would suffer the consequences of our rebellion for us. He would take on our flesh and walk in our broken world among a broken people. God made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us that we might become the righteousness of God in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21). Read that last sentence again. Really, the one in bold, read it again. There is no greater love than this.

His sacrifice wasn't just for the purpose of getting us to heaven. That’s the mistake so many of us make. We think Jesus died so that after we are done suffering on earth, we can go be with God. But Jesus died for more than just a ticket to heaven. He came, obeyed, suffered, died, and rose again to give us the authority to bring heaven to earth. That’s what He prayed: “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). On earth! As it is in heaven! Read your Bible. In heaven, there is no sickness – that’s why everywhere Jesus went, the sick were healed. In heaven, there are no demons – that’s why they were terrified in Jesus’ presence. In heaven, there is no condemnation – that's why He loved the prostitutes and tax collectors.

He carried the Kingdom inside of Him. So did the disciples. So do you. The Kingdom is the King’s domain, and the King lives inside you (Galatians 3:20, 1 Corinthians 6:19). We are seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6) and have died to the basic principles of this world (Colossians 2:20). The world is characterized by condemnation, fear, despair, sickness and death, injustice, loneliness, striving. The Kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy (Romans 14:17). God is love (1 John 4:16). Jesus came that we might have abundant life (John 10:10). He withholds no good thing from the righteous (Psalm 84:11) - and we are righteous because He dressed us in His own righteousness. We are children of God (1 John 3:1). The One who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world, and we were born to overcome the world (1 John 4:4).

It is time to acknowledge God’s extravagant love and start living in the victory that Christ paid for on the cross. It's a promise for the here and now. Start thinking like a victor by writing down who God says you are and what He has promised you. Declare it out loud on a daily basis, and meditate on it throughout the day.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”