I'm right and you're right

 "It used to be: I'm right and you're wrong. Now it's: I'm right and you're evil."

This quote is from a podcast series titled "Our Cultural Crisis" that actually humanizes both sides of the political spectrum while exploring how our society has become so polarized.

I have been increasingly disheartened at how very divided our country has become and how clear it is that, for many, the goal in politics is to block the other side from accomplishing their "evil" agenda. Listening to this podcast has given me a refreshing perspective that both sides have value and we actually need each other because neither side sees the whole picture. Conservatives are characterized by a desire for stability, while progressives aspire to progress. Both ambitions are valid. Both are needed. But they exist in tension with each other, and we have to learn to be in relationship with people who think differently from us.

"If you can name the core longing of your opponent, they may cease to be your enemy."

Our Cultural Crisis, Episode 1

Privilege

I grew up in privilege.

I wouldn’t consider my family rich. We worked hard for what we got and had to consider each expense. But I never wondered where my next meal was coming from. I always had safe and comfortable places in which to live and learn. I was surrounded by people who looked and talked like I did, and I never had to worry about being unfairly targeted because of the color of my skin.

Then I had the chance to study abroad, in Spain and Chile. My eyes were opened to the diversity of the world. I learned that there are different ways of thinking and living that are equally valid as mine. I also experienced for the first time the feeling of being an outsider because of the way I talked and the color of my skin.

After college, I headed to Honduras to teach, having no idea what I was getting myself into. I lived in a bug-infested house with an unreliable water source. But compared to my students, I was rich. I had electricity, internet, new clothes, and electronic devices. And most importantly, I always had the option of returning to my privileged lifestyle in the U.S.

After two and a half years in Honduras, I finally did decide that I couldn’t make my permanent home there. Back in Connecticut, I found myself teaching a fifth-grade class of immigrants. Children who were living in an unfamiliar land, learning an unfamiliar language, many of them separated from their families, most of them food insecure, and a few living in homeless shelters. In Honduras, I had seen first-hand the kind of poverty-stricken places they were leaving, and now I saw what their transition into the U.S. was like.

Fast forward to 2020. My husband and I have spent four years in California struggling to land permanent jobs, spending our money carefully. 2019 was a year of inexpressible financial and emotional hardship. But we had no idea how privileged we were until some names made their way into the national spotlight: Ahmaud Arbery. Breonna Taylor. George Floyd. And people started speaking out. They have been speaking out, but this time I hear them. I knew that racism was still an issue. But I didn’t realize that the black men I know tread carefully, knowing they could be targeted at any moment because of the color of their skin. I didn’t realize that police shootings of black people are so common, and even after all of the protests and the awakening of our country, there are still new stories of police brutality against black people coming out on a regular basis – it’s incomprehensible.

I grew up with conservative values, but I've come to see that in general, people are conservative because they are comfortable with how society currently functions and are unaware of the injustices that support their lifestyles. For example, I've always felt that the police were there for my protection, but I've only recently realized that it's because I'm white. I didn't see that many perfectly decent people are actually in more danger when the police are around. I am not trying to discredit the police - I know police officers who are honorable and who are there to serve all. But the officers making the headlines are not just a few bad apples. They are part of a broken system that enables racism to thrive. 

I'm not saying that conservatives are wrong and liberals are right – I don’t even consider myself to be a member of either group. I believe that both sides have valid viewpoints and ideas, and we need to listen to each other. It's disheartening to see that politics has become “us vs. them”, and the other side is seen as the enemy, their opinions immediately discounted.

When it comes to immigration, the conservative viewpoint seems to be that if someone wants to immigrate to the US, they can come legally and work their way up the totem pole. People who see it as being this straightforward don't know the immigrants that I know. It is not always possible to come to the U.S. legally. It’s not always possible to stay legally, even though they may be highly skilled and educated, seeking work. And immigrants certainly don’t come close to having the same opportunities that citizens do. The immigration system is broken and needs reform. My husband was able to obtain citizenship legally as an immigrant just this past year, but it was a long, difficult, expensive process made possible only because of certain privileges he inherited and opportunities that came his way.

I have woken up from my privileged stupor, and I am angry at the injustices that exist and the inability of Republicans and Democrats to work together to find common sense solutions. I don’t really know what to do, but I am committed to listening and continuing to learn how other people live and what they see. I was so enlightened by this six-minute video of a black woman describing the plight of black Americans: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llci8MVh8J4&t=7s

I am encouraged that many people have newly committed themselves to listen to the stories of others who experience life differently. I just wish that everyone would take this stance.

Employed

After interviewing at seven different schools over the course of the summer, I finally got a job offer two weeks before the start of the school year, and I took it.

It's only a 34% position - I teach three afternoons a week; so I am supplementing with substitute teaching. It's a big pay cut from last year, but I have more breathing room in my schedule.

Substitute teaching isn't my favorite thing to do, but it's interesting to see what goes on in different classrooms and different schools, and I've learned a few things from seeing other teachers' classroom management strategies. Sometimes I sub at the school I teach at, and it gives me a different perspective to see my Spanish students in another class.

So, it's not what I was hoping for, but there is good in it. And the hope is that next year the budget will open up for me to teach more classes.

"And we know that in all things...
...God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
...God works together with those who love him to bring about what is good - with those who have been called according to his purpose."

-two different interpretations of Romans 8:28

In any case, God always works for good, whether it be for us or with us, but I'm sure it's both. So here I am, trying to make the most good out of my situation, knowing that I'm not doing it in my own strength.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."
-Philippians 2:13

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."
-Ephesians 3:20

Unemployed

After this week, I am unemployed.

[Long story short, I taught high school Spanish in Southern California this past school year, received a good performance evaluation, was recommended by my principal for continued employment, but because of lack of job security in my district, I have not been re-contracted for next school year.]

I had plans to stay at that school for a long time. It would have helped so much with organization, time management, and finances. I was shocked and frustrated at the decision that was made. So I prayed. And I brought Scripture to mind. These are the verses that came to my memory:

"My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:19

" 'So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink"? or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' "
-Matthew 6:31-34

" 'Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,' says the LORD Almighty, 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.' "
-Malachi 3:10

What I noticed about all these promises is that they each came as a response to generosity. In Philippians 4, Paul is thanking the church for sending him aid. In Matthew 6, Jesus is telling his disciples to live for God and others rather than themselves. In Malachi 3, the blessing comes after tithing.

Something else that keeps coming to mind is what I've been teaching my students to end the school year. We have been learning about poverty in Honduras, Paraguay, and Guatemala. Some documentaries have really opened my eyes and my students' eyes. You can watch the trailers at these sites:
The Landfillharmonic: http://www.landfillharmonicmovie.com
Living on One Dollar: http://livingonone.org/livingonone

I've been reminded that I am so wealthy compared to most of the rest of the world, and rather than focusing on my first world problems, I am encouraged to live with gratitude for what I have and to give to those who are really in need.

"The Lord will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever."
~Psalm 138:8

Never ending

Just when you thought you had it figured out, you realize that you don't.

I'm talking about life in general, but more specifically about babies.

Just when you figured out how to get him taking naps during the day and sleeping through the night, he gets sick. You regress. You start over. You figure it out all over again, because now his needs have changed. And then he starts cutting teeth.

Just when you thought you had all your laundry done, and there's nothing more that needs cleaning, he spits up on your bed sheets. Then he pees through his outfit onto yours.

A baby's needs are always changing. He's always going through a new stage, learning a new skill. And he's always making a mess. But you love him because he's yours.

I wonder if that's how God feels about us.

Except for the part where He thinks the cleaning is done. He knows better.

Our mess is never ending. But so is His love.

"...I love you with an everlasting love..." -Jeremiah 31:3

Many ways to mother

I've always been a person of strong convictions. Still am, but motherhood has taught me an important lesson: Just because it works for me, doesn't mean it will work for everyone. There are certain values that I think apply to all people. For example, value for human life. But so many other values that I thought were black and white really have so many shades of gray...

I was certain, after much reading and preparation, that I would never get an epidural. But, 20 hours into labor, and a couple of hours into one unbearable contraction on top of another, with no rest between and no progress in the dilation of my cervix, I let that conviction go. The epidural allowed me the rest I needed to get ready to push my baby out and relaxed my body enough that my cervix finished dilating within a couple of hours. What I really appreciated about my doctor was that she didn't pressure me to get an epidural, just explained to me my options and let me decide.

I was also certain that I would never leave my baby to cry. But, a month into napless misery and nighttime dread, when my son was five months old, I wholeheartedly embraced the concept that some crying was going to be necessary for my son's sleep, my sanity, and my marriage. I learned from a document about sleep training, and from watching my son cry, that crying is actually how babies process and is not always a sign of distress. I also realized a five month old can want something that is not beneficial for him, and not responding to his cry can be like telling a five year old that he can't have ice cream for dinner. After much trial and error, I finally have a six month old that is (mostly) well rested and happy (we're still working on it), an improved relationship with him, and a much more pleasant way to spend my days (and nights). What I appreciated about one mommy friend was that she gave me two resources, one describing a "no tears" approach to sleep training, the other outlining an approach that involved some tears, told me that the latter was what worked for her, but let me decide what would be best for me.

As a mother, I've found it helpful and encouraging to hear other mothers' experiences. But sometimes their stories have led me in the wrong direction. I've had to learn that just because it worked for another mother, doesn't mean it will work for me. And just because it worked for my baby a month ago, doesn't mean it will work today. And one day, when I have another one, I'm sure I'll have to re-learn a lot about parenting, because every baby is different.

How this learning has translated into the way I relate to others is that, when trying to encourage someone or give them advice, about mothering or anything under the sun, I try to remember to specify, "What works for me," or, "In my experience..." realizing that, just because something was true for me, doesn't mean it applies to everyone in all situations.

God through the eyes of a pregnant woman

Like I do with most events and places before experiencing them, I definitely idealized pregnancy. I knew there would be nausea, but I didn't realize how miserable and pervasive it would be until it happened - and my experience was mild compared to many others'. I knew I wouldn't be able to have alcohol or sushi, but when you look into what you can't eat, drink, inhale, or do while pregnant, the list seems unending (Did you know you shouldn't eat deli meats or lie on your back?).

I also didn't comprehend, until perceiving it in my own body, how much a pregnant woman gives of herself to make room for the new life within her. The baby takes the nutrients he needs from your body, whether or not there are enough left for the proper functioning of your own body. The energy that is needed to support the life of your baby is incredible. As the baby grows, your organs are displaced and squished, and your skin is stretched. Digestion and breathing become difficult. Muscles become tighter than you can imagine.

And yet, I love this tiny human being in a way I haven't ever loved another. Almost everything I do is for his well being, and I can't wait for him to invade my world in a new way through his birth.

I think that this whole experience helps me to understand God in a new way: I've tasted just a fragment of the sacrificial giving of myself that God does for us. And the love for a child being made in my image inside of me gives me a glimpse of God's love for us, His children, made in His image.

" 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' " -Acts 17:28

"See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children." -1 John 3:1

"We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us." -1 John 3:16