Growing Pains

I am still averaging about 12 hours a day in my classroom. I am tired but no longer desperate. I’ve had the chance to observe several other teachers in my school, and I feel privileged to be able to work with and learn from so many “rock stars”, as our math coach has termed them. Two teachers on separate occasions came to my classroom after our students had gone home and spent several hours with me, helping me to set up my classroom and sort through what an average day should look like in terms of classroom management and instruction. Before, the 12 hours a day were to just barely keep my head above water, but now I feel like I’m making progress and really getting things in place.

Many people have encouraged me and validated my feelings. No teacher is surprised when I tell them how many hours I am putting in – they tell me it’s normal for a first-year elementary teacher. I met with the social worker the other day, and she verified that I have a difficult class with several challenging personalities, but this week she is going to start working with me to help me reach these students. I have felt very inadequate knowing that as I go through this learning process, I am not preparing my students very well at all, and I think of how much better the students are faring in the other fifth-grade classes. They are engaged and learning. They know the routines and are having fun in a safe environment. My students are seldom engaged and often confused (but that’s improving). We have few routines in place, and our classroom environment is not very safe emotionally with all of the misbehaviors that are occurring (though we’re making progress on that end, too). However, most days, I receive a gift or two from different students – drawings with which I’ve been filling up the wall behind my desk:

One student in particular has given me several notes saying that I am the best teacher, I “rule the school”... In her response to a writing prompt, she wrote: “I always talk about Ms. Marino and how nice she is." While talking with my students a couple of weeks ago, I at one point said the words, “I’m not perfect.” I was surprised at the negative reaction that statement caused. One student said, “But you’re perfect for us!” So somehow God is using me.

Here are some pictures to show you the progress I am making on my apartment and classroom:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

~2 Corinthians 12:9