Peace

The school year has gotten off to a great start! I love my students, and I feel a million times more confident, this being my second year at the same school.

But still, it's a busy time, and peace eludes me.

I keep telling God that I need Him to give me peace, but I realized that He has already given it to me...
" 'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.' " -John 14:27
"He Himself is our peace." -Ephesians 2:14

What I really need is to just stop choosing anxiety over peace. But, that is easier said than done.

Here are some things that I have been learning promote peace:
*Naming all the reasons I have to be thankful.
*Declaring good things in my life.
*Friendship.
*Laughter.
*Exercise.
 
Here are some habits that I have been learning open the door to anxiety:
*Making sure everyone knows how bad I have it.
*Accepting anxiety as a part of my personality. It has become so familiar that it feels like it's a part of me, but it most certainly is not.
*Telling myself that I'm going to be stressed until I reach point B, and I will just have to deal with it until then. All this concession does is give anxiety permission to stay until it can find a new excuse to be there.
*Speculating about all the things that could go wrong.
*Multi-tasking - trying to cram every second of my day with productive activity.

On this topic, I got pulled over by a cop for the first time in all my 10 years of driving... for texting while driving. In truth, I was at a red light, and I was making a note to myself on my phone so I wouldn't forget something that had crossed my mind. The police officer took my license and registration, and I declared favor/pleaded with God while I waited. The cop returned rather quickly and only gave me a verbal warning, saying that I'm still in control of my car while at a red light, and that is where most accidents happen. I am so thankful this happened to me, because I had gotten into the habit of picking up my phone at red lights, feeling an obsessive need to fill every spare moment with activity. The officer helped me realize that not only is this dangerous, but it also contributes to my anxiety. That day and the next, I had to fight the urge to reach for my phone, but I became aware of a new reality - it's okay to do nothing once in a while. I sat in traffic calmly for the first time in a while and took the opportunity to talk to God about all of this.

Idle time. This unavoidable part of life is sometimes what we spend our lifetime avoiding. But it, along with silence and a series of humbling circumstances, is just what we need to train ourselves to realize that we are not the ones in control. And thank God for that.
 
Jesus, I trust You. I thank You that You are more than enough. I thank You that You are not bound by time. I thank You that it's not up to me to make sure my life turns out alright. I thank You that You are good all the time, that Your strength is made perfect in my weakness, that You are conspiring to make me win.

I trust You.