Emmanuel, God with us

Merry Christmas!

This is a season when we have a heightened awareness of the supreme sacrifice God made in leaving His home to come to ours. It wasn't only His home he left, but even His claim to divinity.

"Christ Jesus... being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness" (Philippians 2:5-7).

When we read about Jesus' works while on Earth, we are often amazed, but we don't make a connection with ourselves. We think, Well of course He could do all those things - He was God. 

And yet...

Jesus did not do anything on Earth as God. He did not even "consider equality with God something to be grasped". Peter, one of Jesus' closest friends, said this: "God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and... he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him" (Acts 10:38). Not because He was God, but because God was with Him.

Here is the connection: God is with us, too. Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father" (John 14:12). As Bill Johnson says, if Jesus did what He did as God, I stand in awe. But if He did what He did as man in right relationship with God, I am obligated to do the same.

This situation was played out by the first apostles. They did not change the world because they were great. They were mostly uneducated, common men. The only difference was that they had been with Jesus. The crowd did not believe because of their words, but because "the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message" (Acts 10:44) - because God was with them and backed their testimonies with power.

What I am saying is this... I, like many others, try to get things done in my own strength. I try to be a good teacher, daughter, sister, girlfriend, and friend. Try to earn enough money. Try to say the right words and pray the right prayers so that God will move. Try to relax, find peace. Try to change people, even. But if Jesus did nothing apart from the Father (John 5:19), if He Himself said, "by myself I can do nothing (John 5:30), how can I? And if He did everything He did as a man in right relationship with God, then my focus need not be on my works, but on my relationship with the One who makes all things possible.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21

I had a very promising start to the school year.

But things have gotten really hard, for many reasons.

Right now, things are much improved compared to a couple of weeks ago, because I've been proactive about problem solving, and because I'm surrounded by amazing people with so much expertise. But there are so many situations that are out of my control. I would love it if you could remember to pray for me, that I would keep my heart in what I'm doing right now, and anything else you feel led to pray. I'm praying for many of you - I know some of you are going through circumstances much more difficult than mine.

When I see this car in the parking lot every morning....

It reminds me that all the promises of God are yes in Christ Jesus.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God." ~2 Corinthians 1:20

I <3 being a teacher

My students are way too cute, and so enthusiastic. One of my girls said to me the other day, "I told my dad last night, 'I wish I was in school studying right now!' "

I was out last Friday for an all-day training, then again on Monday and Tuesday because I was sick. Pretty sure it was salmonella poisoning - what a miserable four days that was. When I got back to my classroom Wednesday morning, I was met by this:

Then I went downstairs to pick up my students. As soon as they saw me, they jumped for joy and smiled from ear to ear, smothering me with hugs. They took several opportunities during the day to make sure I knew they want me to be their teacher and get verification from my lips that I plan to continue being their teacher. Another of my students handed me a fat envelope. Inside were two drawings and a letter telling me that he and his friends had "mist" me, and that I am the best teacher. Boy do I love my job. I am still putting in 10-12 hours a day, but they are 12 meaningful hours, not 12 keeping-my-head-above-water hours. I am also taking a Tuesday night class because I received a full scholarship to get my Masters degree in TESOL (teaching English to speakers of other languages) in three years. It's a huge blessing, but lots of extra work.

Not all my students are enthusiastic and thankful. I've got two who are on behavior plans, and every day is a struggle between defiance and obedience, withdrawal and engagement. Literally half of my class is on individualized education plans (special ed), to add to the challenges of teaching a bilingual class. Two of them have almost no literacy skills, in English or Spanish. But I love it, and I have such great support - even better than last year.

I'd like to leave you with a video of my students practicing for a school assembly - a song I taught them to learn the seven continents and their locations (the hand movements correspond with their spot on the map). I couldn't help but smile - "beam" is a better word - as I practiced with them.

"Those who are wise will take all this to heart; they will see in our history the faithful love of the Lord." ~Psalm 107

Peace

The school year has gotten off to a great start! I love my students, and I feel a million times more confident, this being my second year at the same school.

But still, it's a busy time, and peace eludes me.

I keep telling God that I need Him to give me peace, but I realized that He has already given it to me...
" 'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.' " -John 14:27
"He Himself is our peace." -Ephesians 2:14

What I really need is to just stop choosing anxiety over peace. But, that is easier said than done.

Here are some things that I have been learning promote peace:
*Naming all the reasons I have to be thankful.
*Declaring good things in my life.
*Friendship.
*Laughter.
*Exercise.
 
Here are some habits that I have been learning open the door to anxiety:
*Making sure everyone knows how bad I have it.
*Accepting anxiety as a part of my personality. It has become so familiar that it feels like it's a part of me, but it most certainly is not.
*Telling myself that I'm going to be stressed until I reach point B, and I will just have to deal with it until then. All this concession does is give anxiety permission to stay until it can find a new excuse to be there.
*Speculating about all the things that could go wrong.
*Multi-tasking - trying to cram every second of my day with productive activity.

On this topic, I got pulled over by a cop for the first time in all my 10 years of driving... for texting while driving. In truth, I was at a red light, and I was making a note to myself on my phone so I wouldn't forget something that had crossed my mind. The police officer took my license and registration, and I declared favor/pleaded with God while I waited. The cop returned rather quickly and only gave me a verbal warning, saying that I'm still in control of my car while at a red light, and that is where most accidents happen. I am so thankful this happened to me, because I had gotten into the habit of picking up my phone at red lights, feeling an obsessive need to fill every spare moment with activity. The officer helped me realize that not only is this dangerous, but it also contributes to my anxiety. That day and the next, I had to fight the urge to reach for my phone, but I became aware of a new reality - it's okay to do nothing once in a while. I sat in traffic calmly for the first time in a while and took the opportunity to talk to God about all of this.

Idle time. This unavoidable part of life is sometimes what we spend our lifetime avoiding. But it, along with silence and a series of humbling circumstances, is just what we need to train ourselves to realize that we are not the ones in control. And thank God for that.
 
Jesus, I trust You. I thank You that You are more than enough. I thank You that You are not bound by time. I thank You that it's not up to me to make sure my life turns out alright. I thank You that You are good all the time, that Your strength is made perfect in my weakness, that You are conspiring to make me win.

I trust You.

Inheritance

Inheritance has been on my mind lately. That which we inherit has nothing to do with the work we've done but everything to do with who we're related to. The Bible makes it clear that God is interested in generations. It's not just money and reputation that get passed down the line. God shows His "love to a thousand generations of those who love [Him] and keep [His] commandments" (Exodus 20:5-6).

But if you don't have a good family line, it's alright. The definition of family has been extended beyond the biological context. If we have received Christ, we have been grafted into Abraham's family (Romans 11:17). We have inherited the prosperity, influence, and blessing God promised (and demonstrated) to Abraham.

Hebrews 12:1 talks about the "great cloud of witnesses" that surrounds us, referring to the heroes of the faith who went before us (Hebrews 11). We are not alone; rather, we are receiving the benefits of their hope and perseverance (Hebrews 11:39-40). Again, it's not something we earned, and yet, how much we benefit from our inheritance does depend on us... "Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." You can inherit a fortune, but if you make foolish decisions, it won't last you long, and you'll be back where you started. You can inherit a genetic aptitude for athletics, but if you don't take care of your body and train, you can forget any chance of getting into the Olympics. However, if you believe in and steward your gift, anything is possible.

So God has set up a system for us to receive the fruits of what our biological and spiritual ancestors have worked for. But I haven't yet mentioned our greatest inheritance. "We are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs —heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory" (Romans 8:16-17). Heirs of our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents. Heirs of Abraham and all the believers who have gone before us. And now, heirs of God, inheriting all that Jesus earned through His obedient life and death!

But what does it mean? One of the gifts we have inherited through grace is eternal life - we Christians have that one down pat. We read about our "inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade, [which] is kept in heaven for [us]" (1 Peter 1:4). And we think, Oh, I'm sharing in Christ's sufferings here on earth, but when I die, I'm going to heaven. Grin and bear it. We think our inheritance is kept in heaven for us like a child's college savings are kept in a trust fund for him - untouchable until some far-off point. But that is not God's intention. An inheritance is granted when the ancestor dies, not when the heir dies. Jesus already died. We are, right now, seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6). Jesus taught His disciples to pray for heaven on earth (Matthew 6:10). We have access to all of the Father's resources right now.  He has stored up goodness for us, not for when this life is over, but to lavish it on us now, "before the watching world" (Psalm 31:19). We pray prayers like, "God, get me through. Give me enough to get by." But Jesus came to give life in abundance - more than just what we need (John 10:10). Yes, there are times when He teaches us obedience through the things we suffer, and we learn dependence on Him through times of lack. But once you realize you are a son or daughter of the King, you stop living like a pauper. You set your sights higher and reach for better things. You train to be a champion.

One more thing. God is our inheritance. This is an amazing, undeserved gift. But what's more, He has chosen us, a frail, obstinate, disobedient, fickle people to be His own inheritance (Exodus 24:9, 1 Kings 8:52-53, Psalm 33:12, Psalm 74:2, Psalm 94:14, Jeremiah 10:16). That astounds me. So much does He value us that He considers us His choice possession. If we can just get a grasp on this - the fact that He is ours and we are His - it will empower us to live like victors.

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people." ~Ephesians 1:18

Journey

I just read this in a devotional book: "Rest in Me, My child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking My Spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment..." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling). I am a planner. I like to know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. Not knowing if I will be able to keep my job next year, how I will be earning money over the summer, or what unexpected event will happen next have been a tremendous source of anxiety for me. But God is good, and He has only good plans for me. Reading the devotional this morning reminded me first of me, then of my students...

At the beginning of every week, I sit down with them and tell them what I have planned - what kinds of concepts we will be learning over the course of the week, what activities to expect. I involve them in the planning process, too, and it gives them a sense of ownership over their learning. But some of them want to know all the little details. Far too often throughout the week, they ask, "What are we doing when we finish this activity?", "What are we doing after lunch?", "When are we going to see the movie?" My response: "Don't worry about it." Focus on what you need to do now. What sense is there in explaining to you the details of the next activity when your attention should be on completing the one at hand? We went on a field trip to the aquarium and IMAX theater this past week, and they were full of questions beforehand. Some I answered; some I didn't. "Can we buy popcorn at the theater?" "I don't know. Bring money, and if there's popcorn, you can buy it." "Whose group am I going to be in?" "Don't worry about it - I'll tell you when you get there." Question after question. But when all was said and done, they were fascinated by everything there was to see at the aquarium and had a blast. I like aquariums, but what made it such a fun experience for me was seeing my students smile ear-to-ear and say, "I'm excited! Let's go see something else!"

It's amazing how being a teacher (or a parent) gives you a glimpse of what it's like for God. He plans good things into our lives and gives us a preview of them, through the desires He's planted in our hearts and the promises He's given us. So often, we want to know the details of how He's going to work it out. But looking back, it is clear to see that He had it all under control. Looking back, I realize that if I had known everything ahead of time, I would have been distracted, or given up hope, or lessened my dependence on Him. He delights to see us enjoy the moment. As I delighted to see my students explore the aquarium, so He delights to walk beside us as we explore this life, discovering the treasures He has hidden for us in the most unexpected places.

There are so many things God has worked out in my favor just recently. I got official news last week that I will be teaching 4th grade bilingual at the same school next year. I got word that I have been hired to teach summer school this July (still waiting on the official letter). My trip to Honduras was amazing...

And, for the few of you who might still be in the dark on this one, I have an amazing boyfriend as of three months ago...

Looking back, I don't know how I survived the fall, except that God sustained me. If I had known how hard it was going to be - working 80+ hours a week, lacking the confidence and knowledge I needed to be the best teacher I could be, and all the other little and big things that made it such a trying time in my life - I don't know if I could have gotten through it. I had to just trust my Father one day at a time. Now, I have confidence in my teaching, and I can see the fruit of my labor in my students' excitement to learn and share what they are learning. I spend only about 9 hours in my classroom every day, and I don't go there on the weekends. I have time to be physically active again, and I have time for a relationship. And summer is just one and a half weeks away. Praise Jesus. So much is still uncertain, but my event coordinator has a pretty good track record, so I'll have to just keep growing my trust in Him.

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever." -Psalm 138:8

Following the cloud

"Challenges are what make life interesting"...and what reveal the goodness in those who help you get through. My car died last Friday, on the way to school. It was the last thing I was ready to deal with, and it was almost funny - I actually smiled about it. I called a family friend (thank God for cell phones), and he came right away. He knew just what to do to help me get my car out of the middle of the road and into a dirt patch. He drove me to school and took my car keys to the mechanic. Had I experienced a normal commute to work, I wouldn't have had the privilege of realizing again how blessed I am by amazing people in my life. My mentor teacher brought me grocery shopping and home that evening. Another teacher made sure I was taken care of on Monday, and I got my car back Monday afternoon...a week's worth of pay is what it cost me. Almost twice the cost of my plane ticket to Honduras. Not something I was ready for. But, as another one of the amazing people in my life helped me realized, there are two certainties in life: 1) Life is full of uncertainties, 2) Though we can't figure out how He will do it, all things work for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I've been feeling like the Israelites following the cloud in the desert (Exodus 40:34-38). So much is uncertain in my present and future, but when I look back, it is all clear. He has a purpose in everything.

By the way, you might have figured out from my reference to a plane ticket... I'm going to Honduras. Next week, for five days. I will be staying with the family that was my second family while I lived there, and I will be visiting with my beloved friends and students (I don't know if I can say "former" - in my heart, they will always be my students). I am excited but a little wary. When I came back from Honduras over a year ago, I was nauseous every day for three solid months. I need prayer that God would keep me healthy and also give me wisdom about what food I should eat, because it's the food that got me so sick.

Teaching in New Haven has been full of ups and downs. As hard as it has been, I really like my job, and the support system I have is amazing. And...my students make me laugh. Here's an example: We are practicing a song about organs to present at our school's "Town Meeting". One of my students can't help but get up and dance whenever we sing it. Obviously, the class needs to work on their pronunciation, but Carlos has his moves down. Enjoy his performance :-)

"The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread." ~Psalm 37:23-25

Perspective, part 2

I have been learning that I create my own perspective with the words I say and the thoughts I think. So I have been teaching myself to choose my words carefully. Rather than say, "I have to grade these quizzes," or, "I need to clean the bathroom,", or, "I should fill out that document," I am re-training myself to say, "I would like to..." Try it - it relieves a lot of the tension in the situation.

It works for my students, as well. If I say to one of them, "Do your work," or, "Sit here," especially if I demand immediate action, I am bound to only make the situation worse. What produces much better results is this: "You have a choice. You can do your work now, or you can finish it at lunchtime." Or, "Would you mind sitting over here?" When students are having trouble remembering the expectations for classroom behavior, I no longer say, "You need to raise your hand," etc. My response is, "I only call on students who are quietly sitting in their seats and raising their hands." These kinds of statements make for a much calmer, cooperative classroom, and I can tell my words are sinking in. One of my students got upset with me a little while ago and said, "You always give me choices!" If that's his worst complaint, I'm fine with that. Another student at the end of the day was choosing someone to help with a classroom job, and several students stood up and called out. He responded, "I only call on students who are sitting down and raising their hands." It brought a smile to my face.

Instruction, classroom management, and everything pertaining to my job are gradually improving. I'm still putting in tons of hours, and my progress can best be described as two steps forward, one step back. But I see a huge difference from the start of the school year until now, and my bosses are noticing the change as well. The last thing I did before leaving school yesterday (to start February break, hallelujah), was to meet with my principal. She noted that my commitment is obvious, and she is very pleased with my progress. What a great way to start vacation :-)

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9

Perspective

Though things have been hard for me, God has allowed me to get a glimpse into other situations that have helped put my circumstances in perspective...
...A teaching friend across the country whose school district has much more impossible standards and consequences for standardized testing than mine does.
...A family friend who is teaching in Africa while running a drug recovery home: pouring into the lives of her "sons", cooking the food, washing clothes by hand, and struggling financially. And I thought teaching alone was a full-time job. She says, "In many ways, I am in my element. There’s no place that I’d rather be. In other ways, I feel like I’m stretched beyond my stretching ability. Especially when a son comes home, looks me in the eye, and tells me he didn’t smoke. After I’ve poured my heart and soul and everything into him. After God has given me so many promises. The smoke that is obviously coming from his lungs makes me sick to my stomach. God is teaching me to 'love without an agenda.' He is also teaching me that sometimes He has to speak to someone 47 times before they hear Him and change, but that 47^th time will come. And all the times leading up to that changing point are not wasted, but are building towards the day of change."
...And most recently, I've learned about another teacher at my school, who has been battling an autoimmune disease for ten years, and now the doctors tell her there is little hope for survival.
Yes, God has allowed me to go through difficult times, but how can I complain in the face of these amazing challenges that others are facing with such faith and courage? My prayers go out to them.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. " -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Enthusiasm

I've always known that part of being a good teacher is instilling excitement in your students for what they're learning. However, I have been allowing the stress and frustrations to take away the joy of teaching. After a particularly bad day, when my students were not doing anything they were supposed to do, I went to another 5th-grade teacher for advice. She told me that she acts every day for her students - she is so overly enthusiastic that they are drawn in. Her example was that, when talking about symmetry, she said, "Doesn't that blow your mind?!? You can fold it in half and it's the same on both sides!" I tried it the next day. I acted like everything we were doing was the greatest discovery ever made, and it worked. My students responded much better. It certainly did not eliminate all behavior issues, but at least I had fun, and my students were more engaged.

I realized that life is a little like that. If you act like you're enjoying it, you really do.

"...don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God... Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work." -Colossians 3:23