Last night, I was reflecting on this past year, and I realized something. It's not a new revelation, but a deeper awareness of something I already knew...
I get offended when people correct me or say anything that's not completely positive about me. And it's because I have come to find my identity in my words and actions, rather than who I am. So when someone corrects something I've said or done, I take it as a personal attack against me. Can you relate?
I have a fear that if I make myself vulnerable, if I let down my guard, if I share my thoughts and feelings without careful consideration, others will discover my faults; they'll discover the real me and not like it.
I was praying, asking God to help me recognize my worth, and I was reminded of two things...
*A children's book by Max Lucado where a person finds he's able to let go of what others think about him by going on a daily basis to see his Maker, who reminds him: "Because you're Mine - that's why you matter to Me."
*A verse that really spoke to me when I came across it weeks ago: "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." -Luke 5:16
I need to withdraw more often from my work, from people-pleasing, and from procrastinating to spend time with my Maker, get more in tune with His voice, and learn to care more what He thinks about me than what others think. So this is my New Year's resolution:
-read my Bible every morning, without fail
-write in my prayer journal every day
-spend at least 10 minutes a day either meditating on a Scripture or being silent before God
It seems ironic that someone who recognizes her need to get away from performance is making a to-do list to help accomplish that goal. But if I need a to-do list that helps me put all my other lists in perspective, then this list is the one I'm going to post in a place where I will see it every day.
" 'Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.' " -Matthew 6:33
