I just read this in a devotional book: "Rest in Me, My child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking My Spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment..." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling). I am a planner. I like to know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. Not knowing if I will be able to keep my job next year, how I will be earning money over the summer, or what unexpected event will happen next have been a tremendous source of anxiety for me. But God is good, and He has only good plans for me. Reading the devotional this morning reminded me first of me, then of my students...
At the beginning of every week, I sit down with them and tell them what I have planned - what kinds of concepts we will be learning over the course of the week, what activities to expect. I involve them in the planning process, too, and it gives them a sense of ownership over their learning. But some of them want to know all the little details. Far too often throughout the week, they ask, "What are we doing when we finish this activity?", "What are we doing after lunch?", "When are we going to see the movie?" My response: "Don't worry about it." Focus on what you need to do now. What sense is there in explaining to you the details of the next activity when your attention should be on completing the one at hand? We went on a field trip to the aquarium and IMAX theater this past week, and they were full of questions beforehand. Some I answered; some I didn't. "Can we buy popcorn at the theater?" "I don't know. Bring money, and if there's popcorn, you can buy it." "Whose group am I going to be in?" "Don't worry about it - I'll tell you when you get there." Question after question. But when all was said and done, they were fascinated by everything there was to see at the aquarium and had a blast. I like aquariums, but what made it such a fun experience for me was seeing my students smile ear-to-ear and say, "I'm excited! Let's go see something else!"
It's amazing how being a teacher (or a parent) gives you a glimpse of what it's like for God. He plans good things into our lives and gives us a preview of them, through the desires He's planted in our hearts and the promises He's given us. So often, we want to know the details of how He's going to work it out. But looking back, it is clear to see that He had it all under control. Looking back, I realize that if I had known everything ahead of time, I would have been distracted, or given up hope, or lessened my dependence on Him. He delights to see us enjoy the moment. As I delighted to see my students explore the aquarium, so He delights to walk beside us as we explore this life, discovering the treasures He has hidden for us in the most unexpected places.
There are so many things God has worked out in my favor just recently. I got official news last week that I will be teaching 4th grade bilingual at the same school next year. I got word that I have been hired to teach summer school this July (still waiting on the official letter). My trip to Honduras was amazing...
And, for the few of you who might still be in the dark on this one, I have an amazing boyfriend as of three months ago...
Looking back, I don't know how I survived the fall, except that God sustained me. If I had known how hard it was going to be - working 80+ hours a week, lacking the confidence and knowledge I needed to be the best teacher I could be, and all the other little and big things that made it such a trying time in my life - I don't know if I could have gotten through it. I had to just trust my Father one day at a time. Now, I have confidence in my teaching, and I can see the fruit of my labor in my students' excitement to learn and share what they are learning. I spend only about 9 hours in my classroom every day, and I don't go there on the weekends. I have time to be physically active again, and I have time for a relationship. And summer is just one and a half weeks away. Praise Jesus. So much is still uncertain, but my event coordinator has a pretty good track record, so I'll have to just keep growing my trust in Him.
"The Lord will work out His plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever." -Psalm 138:8
