Seasons

Much of the Bible seems to contradict itself if you're looking at it on the surface level. But that is because truth is multi-faceted.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth (Exodus 21:24). Truth: Sin is serious. God is just, and every sin has a consequence.

Turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-39). Truth: God is gracious and patient. Jesus has taken the punishment for our sins if we will receive Him. We are called to follow in His example by being gracious and forgiving toward others.

You cannot enter the Kingdom of God unless you receive it like a child (Mark 10:15). Truth: You cannot earn entrance into the Kingdom but must receive it by grace through faith. You must recognize your utter dependence on God.

The Kingdom has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it (Matthew 11:12). Truth: Christianity is not passive. It requires commitment, discipline, passion, action.

There are many more examples of apparent contradictions in the Bible, but the point I want to get to is that truth also looks different in different seasons. God doesn't change, but His strategy does adapt to fit the circumstances or the lesson He is teaching us. Sometimes we are to wait and watch Him deliver us, and sometimes we are to get up and fight. Sometimes we are to lean on Him to provide, and sometimes we are to set out fully prepared. Sometimes we are to be gentle and humble, and other times, we are to be bold. I can think of so many instances of these different seasons in the Bible, but I will include just one here, where Jesus is talking to His disciples: “Then Jesus asked them, ‘When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?’ ‘Nothing,’ they answered. He said to them, ‘But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one’ " (Luke 22:35-36).

Just because God worked one way in your life before doesn’t mean He will work the same way in this season. Just because He gave you certain instructions in the past doesn’t mean you can continue on as before. Just because He worked a certain way for your friend doesn't mean that's how he's going to make it happen for you. We always have to be open to what He is doing and saying right now, to us. That means constantly seeking His face and laying our own plans and expectations aside. I could give you many stories about the ways I've failed in this area, but I’ll let you inspect your own life. What can you learn from past mistakes? And more importantly, what is God saying to you now?

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3:1

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

Emmanuel, God with us

Merry Christmas!

This is a season when we have a heightened awareness of the supreme sacrifice God made in leaving His home to come to ours. It wasn't only His home he left, but even His claim to divinity.

"Christ Jesus... being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness" (Philippians 2:5-7).

When we read about Jesus' works while on Earth, we are often amazed, but we don't make a connection with ourselves. We think, Well of course He could do all those things - He was God. 

And yet...

Jesus did not do anything on Earth as God. He did not even "consider equality with God something to be grasped". Peter, one of Jesus' closest friends, said this: "God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and... he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him" (Acts 10:38). Not because He was God, but because God was with Him.

Here is the connection: God is with us, too. Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father" (John 14:12). As Bill Johnson says, if Jesus did what He did as God, I stand in awe. But if He did what He did as man in right relationship with God, I am obligated to do the same.

This situation was played out by the first apostles. They did not change the world because they were great. They were mostly uneducated, common men. The only difference was that they had been with Jesus. The crowd did not believe because of their words, but because "the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message" (Acts 10:44) - because God was with them and backed their testimonies with power.

What I am saying is this... I, like many others, try to get things done in my own strength. I try to be a good teacher, daughter, sister, girlfriend, and friend. Try to earn enough money. Try to say the right words and pray the right prayers so that God will move. Try to relax, find peace. Try to change people, even. But if Jesus did nothing apart from the Father (John 5:19), if He Himself said, "by myself I can do nothing (John 5:30), how can I? And if He did everything He did as a man in right relationship with God, then my focus need not be on my works, but on my relationship with the One who makes all things possible.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21

I had a very promising start to the school year.

But things have gotten really hard, for many reasons.

Right now, things are much improved compared to a couple of weeks ago, because I've been proactive about problem solving, and because I'm surrounded by amazing people with so much expertise. But there are so many situations that are out of my control. I would love it if you could remember to pray for me, that I would keep my heart in what I'm doing right now, and anything else you feel led to pray. I'm praying for many of you - I know some of you are going through circumstances much more difficult than mine.

When I see this car in the parking lot every morning....

It reminds me that all the promises of God are yes in Christ Jesus.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God." ~2 Corinthians 1:20

I <3 being a teacher

My students are way too cute, and so enthusiastic. One of my girls said to me the other day, "I told my dad last night, 'I wish I was in school studying right now!' "

I was out last Friday for an all-day training, then again on Monday and Tuesday because I was sick. Pretty sure it was salmonella poisoning - what a miserable four days that was. When I got back to my classroom Wednesday morning, I was met by this:

Then I went downstairs to pick up my students. As soon as they saw me, they jumped for joy and smiled from ear to ear, smothering me with hugs. They took several opportunities during the day to make sure I knew they want me to be their teacher and get verification from my lips that I plan to continue being their teacher. Another of my students handed me a fat envelope. Inside were two drawings and a letter telling me that he and his friends had "mist" me, and that I am the best teacher. Boy do I love my job. I am still putting in 10-12 hours a day, but they are 12 meaningful hours, not 12 keeping-my-head-above-water hours. I am also taking a Tuesday night class because I received a full scholarship to get my Masters degree in TESOL (teaching English to speakers of other languages) in three years. It's a huge blessing, but lots of extra work.

Not all my students are enthusiastic and thankful. I've got two who are on behavior plans, and every day is a struggle between defiance and obedience, withdrawal and engagement. Literally half of my class is on individualized education plans (special ed), to add to the challenges of teaching a bilingual class. Two of them have almost no literacy skills, in English or Spanish. But I love it, and I have such great support - even better than last year.

I'd like to leave you with a video of my students practicing for a school assembly - a song I taught them to learn the seven continents and their locations (the hand movements correspond with their spot on the map). I couldn't help but smile - "beam" is a better word - as I practiced with them.

"Those who are wise will take all this to heart; they will see in our history the faithful love of the Lord." ~Psalm 107

Peace

The school year has gotten off to a great start! I love my students, and I feel a million times more confident, this being my second year at the same school.

But still, it's a busy time, and peace eludes me.

I keep telling God that I need Him to give me peace, but I realized that He has already given it to me...
" 'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.' " -John 14:27
"He Himself is our peace." -Ephesians 2:14

What I really need is to just stop choosing anxiety over peace. But, that is easier said than done.

Here are some things that I have been learning promote peace:
*Naming all the reasons I have to be thankful.
*Declaring good things in my life.
*Friendship.
*Laughter.
*Exercise.
 
Here are some habits that I have been learning open the door to anxiety:
*Making sure everyone knows how bad I have it.
*Accepting anxiety as a part of my personality. It has become so familiar that it feels like it's a part of me, but it most certainly is not.
*Telling myself that I'm going to be stressed until I reach point B, and I will just have to deal with it until then. All this concession does is give anxiety permission to stay until it can find a new excuse to be there.
*Speculating about all the things that could go wrong.
*Multi-tasking - trying to cram every second of my day with productive activity.

On this topic, I got pulled over by a cop for the first time in all my 10 years of driving... for texting while driving. In truth, I was at a red light, and I was making a note to myself on my phone so I wouldn't forget something that had crossed my mind. The police officer took my license and registration, and I declared favor/pleaded with God while I waited. The cop returned rather quickly and only gave me a verbal warning, saying that I'm still in control of my car while at a red light, and that is where most accidents happen. I am so thankful this happened to me, because I had gotten into the habit of picking up my phone at red lights, feeling an obsessive need to fill every spare moment with activity. The officer helped me realize that not only is this dangerous, but it also contributes to my anxiety. That day and the next, I had to fight the urge to reach for my phone, but I became aware of a new reality - it's okay to do nothing once in a while. I sat in traffic calmly for the first time in a while and took the opportunity to talk to God about all of this.

Idle time. This unavoidable part of life is sometimes what we spend our lifetime avoiding. But it, along with silence and a series of humbling circumstances, is just what we need to train ourselves to realize that we are not the ones in control. And thank God for that.
 
Jesus, I trust You. I thank You that You are more than enough. I thank You that You are not bound by time. I thank You that it's not up to me to make sure my life turns out alright. I thank You that You are good all the time, that Your strength is made perfect in my weakness, that You are conspiring to make me win.

I trust You.

Inheritance

Inheritance has been on my mind lately. That which we inherit has nothing to do with the work we've done but everything to do with who we're related to. The Bible makes it clear that God is interested in generations. It's not just money and reputation that get passed down the line. God shows His "love to a thousand generations of those who love [Him] and keep [His] commandments" (Exodus 20:5-6).

But if you don't have a good family line, it's alright. The definition of family has been extended beyond the biological context. If we have received Christ, we have been grafted into Abraham's family (Romans 11:17). We have inherited the prosperity, influence, and blessing God promised (and demonstrated) to Abraham.

Hebrews 12:1 talks about the "great cloud of witnesses" that surrounds us, referring to the heroes of the faith who went before us (Hebrews 11). We are not alone; rather, we are receiving the benefits of their hope and perseverance (Hebrews 11:39-40). Again, it's not something we earned, and yet, how much we benefit from our inheritance does depend on us... "Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." You can inherit a fortune, but if you make foolish decisions, it won't last you long, and you'll be back where you started. You can inherit a genetic aptitude for athletics, but if you don't take care of your body and train, you can forget any chance of getting into the Olympics. However, if you believe in and steward your gift, anything is possible.

So God has set up a system for us to receive the fruits of what our biological and spiritual ancestors have worked for. But I haven't yet mentioned our greatest inheritance. "We are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs —heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory" (Romans 8:16-17). Heirs of our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents. Heirs of Abraham and all the believers who have gone before us. And now, heirs of God, inheriting all that Jesus earned through His obedient life and death!

But what does it mean? One of the gifts we have inherited through grace is eternal life - we Christians have that one down pat. We read about our "inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade, [which] is kept in heaven for [us]" (1 Peter 1:4). And we think, Oh, I'm sharing in Christ's sufferings here on earth, but when I die, I'm going to heaven. Grin and bear it. We think our inheritance is kept in heaven for us like a child's college savings are kept in a trust fund for him - untouchable until some far-off point. But that is not God's intention. An inheritance is granted when the ancestor dies, not when the heir dies. Jesus already died. We are, right now, seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6). Jesus taught His disciples to pray for heaven on earth (Matthew 6:10). We have access to all of the Father's resources right now.  He has stored up goodness for us, not for when this life is over, but to lavish it on us now, "before the watching world" (Psalm 31:19). We pray prayers like, "God, get me through. Give me enough to get by." But Jesus came to give life in abundance - more than just what we need (John 10:10). Yes, there are times when He teaches us obedience through the things we suffer, and we learn dependence on Him through times of lack. But once you realize you are a son or daughter of the King, you stop living like a pauper. You set your sights higher and reach for better things. You train to be a champion.

One more thing. God is our inheritance. This is an amazing, undeserved gift. But what's more, He has chosen us, a frail, obstinate, disobedient, fickle people to be His own inheritance (Exodus 24:9, 1 Kings 8:52-53, Psalm 33:12, Psalm 74:2, Psalm 94:14, Jeremiah 10:16). That astounds me. So much does He value us that He considers us His choice possession. If we can just get a grasp on this - the fact that He is ours and we are His - it will empower us to live like victors.

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people." ~Ephesians 1:18

Journey

I just read this in a devotional book: "Rest in Me, My child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking My Spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment..." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling). I am a planner. I like to know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. Not knowing if I will be able to keep my job next year, how I will be earning money over the summer, or what unexpected event will happen next have been a tremendous source of anxiety for me. But God is good, and He has only good plans for me. Reading the devotional this morning reminded me first of me, then of my students...

At the beginning of every week, I sit down with them and tell them what I have planned - what kinds of concepts we will be learning over the course of the week, what activities to expect. I involve them in the planning process, too, and it gives them a sense of ownership over their learning. But some of them want to know all the little details. Far too often throughout the week, they ask, "What are we doing when we finish this activity?", "What are we doing after lunch?", "When are we going to see the movie?" My response: "Don't worry about it." Focus on what you need to do now. What sense is there in explaining to you the details of the next activity when your attention should be on completing the one at hand? We went on a field trip to the aquarium and IMAX theater this past week, and they were full of questions beforehand. Some I answered; some I didn't. "Can we buy popcorn at the theater?" "I don't know. Bring money, and if there's popcorn, you can buy it." "Whose group am I going to be in?" "Don't worry about it - I'll tell you when you get there." Question after question. But when all was said and done, they were fascinated by everything there was to see at the aquarium and had a blast. I like aquariums, but what made it such a fun experience for me was seeing my students smile ear-to-ear and say, "I'm excited! Let's go see something else!"

It's amazing how being a teacher (or a parent) gives you a glimpse of what it's like for God. He plans good things into our lives and gives us a preview of them, through the desires He's planted in our hearts and the promises He's given us. So often, we want to know the details of how He's going to work it out. But looking back, it is clear to see that He had it all under control. Looking back, I realize that if I had known everything ahead of time, I would have been distracted, or given up hope, or lessened my dependence on Him. He delights to see us enjoy the moment. As I delighted to see my students explore the aquarium, so He delights to walk beside us as we explore this life, discovering the treasures He has hidden for us in the most unexpected places.

There are so many things God has worked out in my favor just recently. I got official news last week that I will be teaching 4th grade bilingual at the same school next year. I got word that I have been hired to teach summer school this July (still waiting on the official letter). My trip to Honduras was amazing...

And, for the few of you who might still be in the dark on this one, I have an amazing boyfriend as of three months ago...

Looking back, I don't know how I survived the fall, except that God sustained me. If I had known how hard it was going to be - working 80+ hours a week, lacking the confidence and knowledge I needed to be the best teacher I could be, and all the other little and big things that made it such a trying time in my life - I don't know if I could have gotten through it. I had to just trust my Father one day at a time. Now, I have confidence in my teaching, and I can see the fruit of my labor in my students' excitement to learn and share what they are learning. I spend only about 9 hours in my classroom every day, and I don't go there on the weekends. I have time to be physically active again, and I have time for a relationship. And summer is just one and a half weeks away. Praise Jesus. So much is still uncertain, but my event coordinator has a pretty good track record, so I'll have to just keep growing my trust in Him.

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever." -Psalm 138:8